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The classic, romanticized, over-simplified version of the Lightworker Hero’s Journey has five stages:

  1. Sleep: For a number of years, our hero lives a relatively normal, albeit materialistic life, perhaps pursuing career success of some kind, completely unaware that there is more to life outside this physical reality.
  2. Tragedy: Hero has a traumatic event – usually debilitating illness or a near-death experience – that shakes up their whole paradigm.
  3. Awakening: Hero has a spiritual revelation, and also realizes they have amazing psychic and/or healing abilities.
  4. Healing: In a relatively short timeframe, our hero radically transforms into a self-actualized, spiritually aware, thriving individual.
  5. Service: Hero now inspires and supports many others in living more fulfilling, rich lives, which usually involves writing a best-selling book and traveling around doing lots of public speaking.

At many points along my path, I read and heard many of these hero’s journey stories, and I was extremely jealous. How I longed to experience steps #4 and #5, to finally heal and become an influencer in my community!

Yet I felt hopelessly stuck between the second and third steps. I had already done the “awakening” part, but I was still sick, still struggling. I judged and resented myself for not achieving the prescribed next steps. I hated myself for not getting it right. If I could just get it perfectly right, I would be healed.

Did you know that when you’re anxious, your body is physically unable to heal itself?

I was in a constant state of crippling anxiety.

I was so anxious about doing everything right to get healthy that I was preventing myself from getting healthy. And the worst part was, I knew that was exactly what I was doing, but I couldn’t stop it, no matter how much meditation or yoga I forced myself to do.

Secretly, I was still hoping for that one magical healer, or diet, or supplement, healing modality, or spiritual practice to save me, to make me all better.

But it just wasn’t going to work that way. It was going to take time.

Gradually, over time, I learned how to take better care of myself.

Gradually, slowly, with much effort and many mistakes, I learned to break the habits that were holding me back – not just the material habits like sugar, alcohol and drugs, but the habits of mind and spirit that were even harder to get a handle on: Judging and criticizing myself, neurotic perfectionism, using any little shortcoming as an excuse to beat myself up.

I worked with many practitioners, many of which were extremely helpful, but none of whom fulfilled the impossible “savior” role I was hoping for in a healer.

Yes, I got better. But it took many years of persistence and patience. All of that has taught me how to love myself and others, and for that I am grateful.

Meanwhile, I had many relationships with friends and mentors, some rewarding, others challenging. I had many ups and downs in my career.

In 2018, I had gotten myself into a very difficult financial place. I had previously done pretty well between working for myself and piecing various types of work together, but some poorly judged decisions got me into a place where I had to get a full-time job.

In March, I wrote a detailed description of the type of job I wanted – “manifesting” style a la The Secret.

I used all the skills and tools I had learned as an intuitive practitioner to firm that description in my psyche.

I read my statement aloud to myself daily. I recorded it and overlayed a binaural beats track to listen to while I slept. I started meditating daily, and writing down all the things I was grateful for. I accumulated a list of several hundred affirmations to support my desire to get this job.

Then I took action.

I applied for jobs. I networked and connected with industry leaders.

Because of the pain I had suffered while being ill and dealing with the medical system, I vowed I would never work in the healthcare industry. I applied for jobs in technology, marketing, media and entertainment. I got no callbacks. I became very discouraged.

I eventually thought “what the hell” and applied for half a dozen jobs at the CVS corporate office, located 20 minutes away from my house. One of those jobs was a data analyst position, specializing in clinical services, on a “B2B innovation” team. I thought it sounded intriguing, and sent my resume out, not expecting anything to come of it.

To my surprise, I got a callback. Then I got an interview, then another interview.

In July, I started my job in the healthcare industry.

I realized that job fit every single element of the manifestation statement I had written for myself months ago. For the record, here it is:

I have established a stable, guaranteed income of at least $4500/month, after taxes.  This guaranteed income is generated by a full-time, permanent, high-paying professional day job, where I am highly valued for my education, skills and experience.  

My day job is rewarding and uses a combination of analytical skills and interpersonal skills, while being low-impact when it comes to emotional labor.  When I am at work, I feel intellectually stimulated, energetic, safe, free, and at ease. I enjoy the intellectual challenge this job gives me, because it allows me to exercise and develop my logical and mathematical mind.  

The work flows and comes easily to me, while providing some fun challenges.  Every day at work feels like I am playing a fun game. I enjoy the company of all the people I work with, and we genuinely respect and value each other.  I feel highly respected and valued by my coworkers and supervisors, and I am always treated fairly.

The company I work for is stable, secure, and a paragon of ethical business practices.  I feel aligned with my company’s mission, believe in the work they do, and am happy to support it in the role I play.  I have clear boundaries established around my role where I am able to skillfully perform the duties of my job, while trusting others to do their work properly.  

At my workplace, everyone cooperates and communicates clearly with each other to make sure all necessary work gets done within reasonable time constraints. As a result, I am able to leave the responsibilities of work at work when the day is over, and feel no need to carry them home with me. I have ample time to devote at least twelve hours a week to my business, where I can be fully authentic and grow my business the way it is meant to naturally, safely, and with complete honesty and alignment.  

I also have ample time and space to care for myself, Jenny, and those I love.  I have full faith that everything will work out exactly as it is meant to be. Meanwhile, at work, I know that I have a role to play that fits in perfectly with my highest mission on earth as a lightworker.  I feel excited, productive, and prolific as I take on my life with fresh energy and a positive outlook every day!

March 4, 2018

I manifested my dream job, in an industry I felt deep resentment and pain for.

Can you guess why?

The obvious reason is that that part of me – the part of me who had been hurt by the healthcare system, who had been made to feel like a helpless, hopeless victim – needed healing.

I struggled internally with working for a corporation. I struggled internally with working in healthcare. Sometimes, I still feel conflicted, and struggle with that.

And underneath all of that, I know I am where I am because I’m meant to be.

I get to work with clinical leaders who genuinely care about patients, who I wish could have been my medical providers while I was ill, and who I believe will be able to lead the industry toward more empowering and affirming care.

I get to use my gifts and skills to help move big business decisions and processes. It’s exciting and fun.

I feel happy and at ease on a daily basis. It feels miraculous.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I have learned to trust. And my story is far from over.

My life is not perfect by any measure… and the best part is, it doesn’t have to be.

Whether you’ve had similar experiences to mine or not, I hope my story can encourage you to pursue those things you always wanted, but felt held back from.

Most of all, I hope hearing my story will open a door in your life to be more open and honest – with both yourself and others – about your own experiences and journeys.

In order for love and compassion to win in this world, we must first realize it for ourselves, knowing that we are worthy and deserving of vulnerability, honesty, and truth.

I have been blessed with struggles and challenges, and also with the opportunity to live a new, healthy, happy life. I believe that ultimately, learning to love who I am and speaking my truth has been the “cure” I searched for all those years.

If you have a gift or experience you’d like to share with others, I encourage you to take that leap and share it, no matter how “out there” it seems. It may feel scary, but it’s worth it.

Disclaimer: I am an employee of CVS Health. My words and thoughts are 100% my own and do not reflect the values or beliefs of my employer.